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May 29, 2010

no good, horrible, rotten, very bad day.

why today was lousy:
-got a parking ticket, because one tire of my car was three inches over the line (thanks for nothing, provo)
-the girl at kinko's had to take my passport picture a dozen times because i kept blinking
(i thought it was sort of amusing, she didn't at all)
-and the final picture, where they were open still wasn't pretty (in fact it is quite awful)
-i discovered it was due to my own stupidity and not because of a card defect that my debit card wouldn't work
-frustrations at work
-worrying about things that really don't matter for 20 months or so
-getting prideful because of my good start and then sucking at driving manual
-not enough you in my life
-being surprised because there was a djb in my window
(it was kind of funny, i guess, but due to that and another recent occasion of scaredom i'm now afraid to walk around my own place :p)
-not being able to come up with anything exciting to do for the three-day weekend.
-everyone's facebook statuses are about california and i want to go back

things that were actually quite great today:
+they had my fav things in the lunch buffet at indian palace
+awesome birthday presents
+babetta kelly (hachi to the hachi)
+sitting on the floor even though there's plenty of furniture
+honeydew boba
+that i don't work at rooster anymore
+letter from e.
+package from kels
+seeing tommy m and tommy l interact
+long conversation with mum where she was quite helpful
+watching the simpsons and remembering childhood

"you might actually be the definition of insane."
-E. Rhondeau

yesterday i got a card in the mail.
it was from my dog.
thanks, Laika.
(my mom is the greatest ever, ever, ever)

May 28, 2010

this is an interesting article about why women are so self-conscious of their bodies.

May 27, 2010

e' bene cosi

I know when a lot of people get their mission call they jump to google images to look up what exactly the new place they're going to will be like. I've been in on conversations that go something like, "Wait, where's Indonesia?" or "I don't actually know anything about Brazil." And we're all left with what we've seen in pictures, movies, and our own imaginations about what certain countries/states are like.

But I opened my call, with my bowl of curry next to me and my parents on two separate phones and said, "Oh, Italy Rome Mission? Well I've been there."

Like the ungrateful child I am.

But when I take a moment, as I'm falling asleep (which happens at all hours of the day these days), I can see the cobblestone roads, I can feel them under my feet even, usually without sidewalks, and smell the cigarette smoke. I can remember the taste of goat cheese and sun-dried tomato sandwiches or Asiago cheese on Foccacia and the Mars Bars gelato that changed life. And those stupid Lion bars that weren't even all that good, but so addicting for some reason. Eating pizza by the slice regularly. Men with huge D&G belt buckets, women in knee high leather boots...Always. The people trying to sell counterfeit purses to tourists. That beautiful boy who worked in the music store. The contrada flags in Siena. Living in an 800 year old house. And figs! Oh my word I love figs. How EVERYONE has umbrellas when it rains, in all colors and every store has a place to stow them when you walk in. Eating yogurt with the Italian version of honey-nut cheerios. The park that overlooked the gorgeous tuscan countryside. The hole-in-the-wall (literally) gelato place outside the Vatican. Pears, cheese, and honey for dessert. Good fruit. Winged lions everywhere in Venice. Their love of horrible pop music like, "I Kissed a Girl". The metro system in Rome. The Trevi Fountain.

And I remember singing There is Sunshine in my Soul and other hymns outside Piazza del Campo. Or how the members yelled and bawled as we were watching General Conference and they announced the building of a temple in Rome. Doing genealogy work while fratello rotelli bribed us with chocolates. Focusing SO hard at church on what they were saying to try and understand and quickly picking up on the words for "faith" and "heaven". The sweet members. The talk at the district meeting "bracio a bracio" arm in arm we will make it through this life. Together.

The passion of the Italians. How they can love and hate and yell for all kinds of reasons in a matter of minutes. And they love feeding people.

And I get to go back.
To really live there.
And to teach people about the thing that has brought me the greatest happiness in my life.

I am the luckiest.
i really do love each and every one of you.

i was just talking about how i always manage to ruin surprises.
well, the mission call was no surprise either.

May 25, 2010


someday when i am in love for realz and married and all that jazz
i want to lay on the ground and stare at the ceiling
and listen to u2. with or without you.

i mean, what does that song even mean?

also when i'm married i am just going to wear leggings and leg warmers/knee highs with sweatshirts and slippers all the time and i'll be like, this is what you're stuck with, sucker.

and that last statement makes me miss kelso because that is pretty close to how we would look as we lounged around the apartment. come back from down under already!

living alone may be having a bad influence on me.
yesterday i said something out loud to myself while driving.
and immediately thought, "oh no, I am going crazy for reals!"

and i should cook more. i just had cottage cheese, potato chips (really good balsamic and sweet onion chips, mind you) and strawberries for dinner.
and i was going to wallow in my unfeeling-goodness and watch american dreamz while doing so, but luckily babz called and got me out of the house.

this post is long and unnecessary but i need some sort of outlet to avoid freaking out about the mission call that is coming so soon.

also, using brandi carlile to calm the nerves.

this whole post makes me seem crazy.
the last one does too.
sometimes when i'm half asleep i think i am characters from movies i've recently watched.
so that when i woke up this morning feeling under the weather and rushed to class still half-asleep i thought, "wait, i can't be sick, i'm unbreakable."

wrong. i'm not a character in a m. night film.
but, good movie, right?

by the way, the call is in the mail...or on its way to being on its way. as in, it should come tomorrow.
at this point i'm more nervous about when then where.

because i will go anywhere. and i already feel a great love and excitement for the place i am going and the people i will be meeting though i do not know where that is or who they are. but when i'm going has a huge impact on my near future.

but, regardless, just knowing will be nice. so, american postal service, don't fail me now!

May 24, 2010

magical unicorn pillow!

i was thinking about how "snuggly" was the best word to describe the past few hours of my life...and then i noticed the ad at the top of my gmail was:

Magical Unicorn Pillow - www.snugglezoo.com - A Pillow that turns into a Pet In Stock Now!

i am a firm believer that gmail ads can read minds, but only one word at a time.

i've only been 21 for a day and i already feel super mature.

May 23, 2010


because i haven't talked about love in a while. (har, har):
love is about loving.
not about making demands.

my mom sent me a tiara with "21" on it in the mail, but it didn't come in time. :(
she is probably the greatest ever, though, and told me to wear it all week anyway.

i guess this means i'll have to have another party.

thanks to:
emily, babetta, djb, jennie, tom, candice, tess, jon bell&milee, dan, whitney, sammi, jessie, that one guy, john, amanda, todd, matt, jordan, jordan, jordan, brynn, ben, raven, carmen, sarah, diana, mike, melanie, abby, ukiah, alma, brooke, bree, sharlie, cory, jessica, hope i didn't forget anyone, because then i'd be the worst...

for coming.
love you all.

it was pretty magical how people just kept coming and they were all people i loved.
and much love to everyone else who wished me birthday wishes via facebook, phone calls, and in person.

and those of you who said you were coming and then didn't?
well, i'll fight you.

special thanks djb&babz for the wonderful word spoken and sang (stay tuned for the video).
and to lady di for the gift from heaven and shoes that will make me give up my prejudice.

May 21, 2010


Twenty-one interesting, or really not interesting at all, facts:

I really, really, really like Les Miserables. The songs will never not make me fell like singing at the top of my lungs and jumping on things or conquering the world. I grew up listening to the songs. I remember on a roadtrip my parents ran into the store to get something and tyler and I sang "The Confrontation" duet. For a while, it was the only CD in my car.

I have this phobia of getting my leg shut in the car door. It seems irrational. But the door actually shut on my foot while I was cleaning my car yesterday. And during Inspector 42 I had to crouch down under the dashboard in front of the passenger seat with my legs hanging out the door...WHILE the car was moving (on a trailer, but still).

I don't watch enough movies, but whenever I do I'm ALL in and get very invested in them and I laugh out loud...and make noises.

A group of owls is called a parliament.

My least favorite color is purple. I have this prejudice against it I can't quite explain. I think it's pretty on other people, but I will never wear it.

I locked myself out of the house today and will have to climb through the window when I get back.

And my dishwasher exploded this morning, as in suds burst out the bottom and I'd like to blame Matt, but it is definitely my fault because I thought "a few drops" was really more of a guideline.

Sometimes I want to take cookies to people in jail.

I thought I didn't care about widescreen vs. fullscreen. But I do.

I don't like buttering my toast all the way to the edges, because I like there to be variety.

I like pretty much everybody.

I recently achieved a "goal" that was seven years in the making.

I love sweatshirts/sweaters/jackets, but get warm really easily so I don't wear them that often.

Whenever I do something weird/awkward I am just glad I'm not as weird as Michael Scott.

I didn't drink water much until I came to Utah, which is sad because it tastes so much better in Oregon.

I give great hugs. I wouldn't just say so, but people tell me all the time.

If I don't get my mission call on Wednesday I might die.

I love my last name, and not looking forward to giving it up upon marriage. But I'm excited to go by it for 18 months.

I just realized yesterday that I actually own five different pairs of Converse. And they're all very different.

I bought a pair of keds because they were cheap and I thought they were ugly. I didn't wear them for a few years, then I did because they were comfortable and got about twelve compliments in one day. And now I wear them frequently. Yes, I give in to popular opinion.

I talk a lot. I wouldn't say so, but people tell me all the time.

if she did, she'd wear makeup.

Do you want your life to be changed? Watch Creature Comforts. It is the greatest. Made by the creators of Wallace and Gromitt. They interviewed real people...and then animated them.
Here's a taste.

i wish i could curl up and watch it all day.

and if you wanted to, i don't know, buy it for me for my birthday. i wouldn't mind. ha.

May 20, 2010


a few days ago in 114 we talked about "typicality and process" stories. the ones that we often overlook in favor of spectacle and enthralling adventure. "we spend a lot of time avoiding the things we spend a lot of time doing." because they're boring, right? brushing your teeth is boring because if you're twenty years old you've done it probably 14567 times in your life.

but there is something wonderful about exhalting the everyday and taking time to embrace simple moments in life. "if we have sensitivity towards the bigness of the small, we don't need the big." (even though big is still great too now and again, we just can't expect it all the time and if we did have it all the time we'd probably all be stressed out)

i have been busier than usual lately, working 40 hours a week, trying to squeeze in side projects and spending as much time with people as possible. but whether i've consciously thought about it or not i've been spending more time enjoying the simple things in life.

.driving back from the airport by myself and noticing new things on the road i've driven time and time again.
.cleaning the fridge (though not taking time to enjoy the rotten bell pepper that my roommate had left in a drawer--it was literally oozing)
.grading papers with the window wide open so i could hear/smell the rain.
.late night/early morning hikes exploring streams, potentially creepy caves and genuinely creepy noises coming from the water-whatever-it-was.
.throwing rocks at other rocks because they would make a spark.
.looking at the sky (i've always loved the sky and how it is always different and expansive)
.apple chapstick and other cosmetics that smell delicious.
.grass between bare toes.
.listening to the same song over and over.
.eating cap'n crunch
.hugs when neither person wants to let go.
.midnight walks by myself that involve singing aloud improvised songs in italian (i have no idea where it's coming from, but i am thinking half in italian again).
.leggings...literally the most comfortable article of clothing ever invented. (except maybe flannel).
.biting off the heads of chocolate covered cinnamon bears.
.the smell of clean laundry

or simply the fact that something happens that is so fantastic and bewildering and unbelievable all at once, but there is no way to adequately describe to anyone else why it was so amazing or what a big deal it was. i think we all have moments like that in our lives.

"you cannot skip the journey, it is what we are living for."

May 19, 2010

maybe you had to be there.

quotes i have enjoyed lately, because people are fantastic:

"They, like Ewan and Nicole are maybe going to get together in a Come What May kind of thing."

"Improve the shining moments. They all shine, but it's a matter of perception."

"I don't know anything about Greek or Latin, except that part in School of Rock where they talk about Latin."

"I hate my body. I hate my life. There's no potential for me. Edward, Edward, Edward."

"People are especially dumb about books. Which is ironic."

"I was about to say something unnecessary about Miley Cyrus."

-Dean D.
(aka the most brilliant lecturer I know)

"I really like that you have sweet potatoes in your car."

Me: "I knew he was a clone!"
Matt: "Well, that is usually a conclusion people come to when there are two people who are the same."

"I just sneezed, and about 40 little voices whispered 'bless you'"
-Evann (chaperoning a class sleepover)

"This lotion smells amazing. I need a moment alone with it."
i am quite ridiculous at life.
but happily so.

May 16, 2010

my birthday is on Sunday.
feel free to celebrate all week. ;)

May 14, 2010

i have two friends (well, actually more than that, on occasion)
one is m. heed and the other is e. howl.
they both provide me with opportunities to watch good movies and eat good food.
and for that i am grateful.

b. kellz probably belongs in this category too.

where i think i will go on my mission (as of today): Minnesota, Wisconsin, or Paraguay.
though i do keep having the urge to say certain words in Italian instead of English. so maybe that's a sign!

May 13, 2010

i am such the worst at organizing my life these days...

May 12, 2010

puppies, missions, etc.

going puppy window shopping ended up not a good idea and instead a heartbreaking one because i want one soooooo badly. i forgot just how cute straight up baby puppies are...when they are 8 weeks old and made out of nothing but fur and love. even the ones you know will grow up ugly are adorable.

speaking of ugly (and no offense, courtney and others who might enjoy them) bulldogs are not cute. sorry. i love and appreciate them as individuals, but i simply cannot call them cute. that goes for pugs too. i guess the i-got-hit-in-the-face-by-a-bus-and-its-hard-for-me-to-breathe look just doesn't do it for me.

big news: if all goes well i will know two or three weeks from today where i will be spending 18-or-so months of my life. i guess it is time to announce to blogoland that i am going to be serving a mission. which means i will spend 18 months studying, teaching, serving, loving, and sharing my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. i have been spending a week-or-so working on the paperwork (making sure i am healthy/can work long days, questions about language proficiency etc), which gets sent to the Church Headquarters in Salt Lake they will then decide on where to send me and with over 300 missions around the world, the possibilities are nearly endless. (for those of you who are random readers of this blog, i am going to be serving with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)

i met with my bishop yesterday and he said something that was really cool. "missions are always great things and everyone has potential to do good things, but i can feel as i talk to you that you are going to do great things"

and i also want to thank the numerous people who's first reaction when i've told them has been "you'll be a great missionary" and all the people who have been so so supportive. it was not an easy decision to make and i've gone back and forth on it, but it feels really great to have a decision made and to know in my heart that it is the right decision for me.

anyway, more on that later. just know that i am very excited and feel very grateful for an opportunity to go forth and serve. and that i will miss you all very much, but that a year and a half is really not so long in the grand scheme of things.

May 11, 2010

it'd be a lie if i said i wasn't listening to the glee version of like a prayer on repeat. i have a problem. a serious problem.

i also had the most crazy series of dreams last night. in one of them i was a cheerleader in glee. in another i was filming something in a crazy forest, like Lost (which, sadly, I don't even watch--but I have seen the behind the scenes). and many other bizarre dreams that i cannot remember. it was like short film festival. and i didn't wake up until noon...oops. only half my fault because no one left until 3 last night (jk, love you all).

in other news, i feel like i've never been hired for a job in the normal way.

it has always been about timing and walking up at the right time or being recommended or both.


caffe gelato: the day i came in for the interview ended up being my first day of working.
camp greider: i walked up and Candy vouched for me and they hired me.
rooster: i showed up the day they were doing interviews, talked about how much i loved asain food/oregon, got hired.
BMW commercial: Jamison calls me the night before and asks if I want to 1st AD and I go, um sure.
first look: brad called me and offered me the job via JP's recommendation
and now TAing for Dean: Candice told me there wasn't a TA and i walked up and told him i should do it. and he said, "that seems like a good idea" (but in a much more Dean-like way)

and now i am. which means i have a job for about a month. yay! and already have a million emails pouring in, oh boy!

also, this is not to say that getting a job has always been easy, because all these instances have been after fifty applications to places that wouldn't even call me back.

and lest we forget the crazy copy center that hired me and then forgot and hired someone else...and then pretended like they had never talked to me.

back to 114 (the class I am now TAing for) we watched Alfred Hitchcock's Rebecca on Monday. And it is, like most Hitchcock, an interesting story with interesting themes.

I think a lot of times we get into new relationships and we worry so much about what the "ex" was like. And many times we feel the need to be exactly like them/resent them/love them/stalk them on facebook etc. etc. From the song The Quiz: do you still keep pictures of old girlfriends, are they prettier than me? The funny thing is, there shouldn't be that feeling of threat because they, for whatever reason are not with that person anymore and are with you now (granted in the movie, the ex-wife was dead, so that was an awkward circumstance). It is a horrible waste of energy, but I think most of us have done it at one point or another. Is there value in knowing who your new beau was cuddling in the past and about their relationships, or does it do more harm than good?
another thing i like:
when songs have my name in them
(either written that way, or by replacement)

May 10, 2010


things that make me happy now/recently:
.the ocean and being in it.
.making films/webseries/things that involve a camera and people on all sides of it.
.singing to madonna & moulin rogue songs whilst roadtripping.
.roadtripping in general
.eating good food
.having roommates
.not having roommates
.furry lovesacks
.evann's amazing cooking
.listening to djb play the piano
.getting distracted by things that are better than sleep.
.good discussion, on the beach and otherwise.
.free food/milkshakes
.people in my ward who all decided to be friendly today.
.back scratches
.spending time with delightful people.
.stealing internet from the neighbors.
.seeing Sharlie and pulling a U-turn so i could see her.
.talking to Dean about the Schmegee's or whatever that hilarious short was called.
"are you watching it in this class?" "i think we should watch it in as many classes as possible."
.maybe/probably? getting a job.

things that have made me cross lately:
.the roommate that did not clean at all.
.not being as musically inclined as i wish.
.pouring a bowl of cereal and discovering i have no milk.
.the last two episodes of Glee. I mean, c'mon!
.smelling like burnt hair because they freaking shaved a mole off of my arm and then lit it on fire (okay, not exactly)
.tetanus shot that has rendered my other arm useless.

if i was overly impulsive i would:
.go adopt this dog right now.
.try and hitchhike somewhere.
.not sleep until i crashed completely.
.sing my feelings to everyone.
."do what i want to do with who i wanted."
[mostly i just wanted to quote scarjo in Iron Man 2]

May 9, 2010

mum's the word.

i love my mom.
the great thing is, if you've met her, chances are you love her too.

she's really smart.

and she is helpful.

she doesn't have to think about serving/giving, it is second-nature to her.
she's taught me how to really love another human being.

the thing i think that means the most to me, at this point in my life, is that she's supported me in everything i've ever decided to do.

and i know at least 70% of the greatness i have has come from her and the great example she's been to me.

now for an unflattering picture of both of us. :)

May 7, 2010

this is why i enjoy spending time with matt

It's probably funnier if you watch it without sound.

director of photography: craig jordan

May 6, 2010

there are times in life when we can look back and reflect and say, "that was exactly what i needed"

this trip has definitely been one of those things.

thank you: courtney,tiffani,tom,matt,adolfo,will,nate,craig,chris,maryb,steve,jon,dan,walt

May 5, 2010

i'm about 1,000 years behind on this, but the Prestige really is a good movie.

May 1, 2010

p.s. happy birthday jennie.

i thought to myself, "got to stop blogging about tom now that i know he reads this---crap, i wrote about him in the laaaaast post."

(those extended a's are a result of hanging out with courtney/will and the character voices that happen nearly non-stop 'round these parts, i catch on to those kinds of things quickly).

here's the thing...i absolutely LOVE my life.
because i have the most wonderful people. family, friends, people i just met this weekend who are AMAZING to work with. (are we sick of caps yet?)
what else do i love? film...and it pleases me because i get to do it for fun/work/school and am basically the luckiest thing in the world.

i cannot explain how much i love being on sets where i am useful. today i spent most of my time (when i wasn't so wonderfully acting my heart out) running around helping the most lovely of DPs. and i was like, "oh, don't worry about it, i actually know what the words coming out of your mouth are referring too and i can find/fix them for you." and it only took a matter of hours for us to become and awesome team...there were high-fives and warm smiles...and all kinds of heart-warming things...jokes [him: that half of a c-47 was perfect. me: i know, i like to call it a c-23 and a half...ha!]

speaking of high-fives, was totally high-fived by JON HEDER today. yeah, what? which means nothing to at least one person who reads this blog and grew up in the same house as him and about three other people who were there and lived the same exact thing. but i am going to brag to the 20% of you who think this is cool. Yeah, we talked about all the important things in life like Enchanted Forest and...well, mostly Enchanted Forest because that conversation took a while. and i made a HILARIOUS joke that was like, "hey...this is a film set...don't know if you've ever been on one...har. har. him: oh, i just want to know when you started calling this a film. yuk yuk {he didn't actually make any noise even resembling a "yuk" but the rest is true, i swearz!] might have had the bts photographer take a picture of me making a "i'm standing in front of jon heder" face whilst we were filming. but it was for jokes, i swearz*.

me: I'm holding Jon's iPhone!!!!
t.morr: let's prank call Will Ferrel!

[oh, fiddlesticks. i should just rename this blog Chronicles of Tommy M. as Told by Lauren: blah, blah Tom says funny and/or interesting things.]

oh, did i mention i'm in LA enjoying the most beeeeeaaaaautiful weather? mmmyes, it's perfect.
and that at one point i was standing between Tom Morrill and Jon Heder ON A FILM(/weberies) SET?? bestdayofmylyfe!!! and Courtney, my little panda bear, was there. AND, like, a real fake lobster. And, like, cool people with beards too.

and we spent a lovely morning filming in a quaint little 50s cafe...Oh, guess what it was called...Cafe 50s. where we smeared ice cream all over a little boys face and he was sad about it, because he is not a normal kid.

"they said 60 seconds...which means ten minutes" -child actor
"with basketball and film sets...that's how it works" -actor's mum

then we shot some things where i got to stroke and italian man's face...can't say that didn't bring me some sort of joy.

and we also filmed stuff at a POOL PARTY and i was like, "i could put on my swimsuit...but they won't need me to be an extra..." oh wait, i'm needed in a shot right now, guess i'm the one who missed the pool memo and thought we were all going to play Scrabble.

made fast friends through pantomimed conversation. i just LOVE the life of an extra.

*as a child whenever i said, "i swear..." mum would be like, "we don't swear" i feel like adding a "z" nullifies all bad feelings.

but seriously, did i mention i'm in LA and, well, having the time of my life?

got a text from my dad:
-where are you?
-i'm in los angeles having soooo much fun
-be good.

text to mum: i love la i'm never leaving.
mum: that's why so many people live there.

so, uh, there you have it...my freakin' amazing life.
bet you all are sad you aren't me.

i get to sleep on a couch cushion.

someone not let me drink dr. pep at 11-12 whenever it was i downed that thing tonight 'cause now can't sleep even though exhaustion is running through my veins. (because what caffeine does is cut off the communication from the part of your brain that tells you that you're tired) not fooling me brain...i know i'm tired. so...good night.