thanks for some good movies, England

lately, i have done an unusual thing for me....i have watched a movie. two even!

The first was the 4 hour long BBC spectacular North and South. I liked it not only because it had that Pride and Prejudice-esqe painful love story that we love to torture ourselves with. But also because it was this beautiful story of the complications of industrialization and the factory worker versus the factory owner. It wonderfully showed both sides of the issue and made you fall in love with just about everyone. Which makes for a good story, in my mind. Also the loverboy was way attractive, which is always a plus. And it didn't feel like four hours.



Another was Young Victoria, I know, I'm all wrapped up in British period pieces, but they have a certain charm and passion not captured by many other genres. Besides the cinematography (ask me about that sometime, because, oh, do I have a thing or two to say about that).

Again, I liked that this story wasn't just a story about a princess who fell in love with a prince. It is about a young woman who leads a country trying to balance strength and humility who luckily is able to marry the love of her life. Perhaps the only man that would be her equal partner.

It is a hard thing, for a woman to assert dominance in a male-dominated world. It goes against years of tradition. Men have more muscles and deeper voices, it makes sense that they should be the leaders. On the other hand, there are some kick-a ladies out there. Also, we females are better at multi-tasking, which comes in handy often.

But there is also a part in the movie where her mom tells her, "You are confusing stubbornness with strength." And I started wondering how often I do that. I am aware that I am obnoxiously stubborn sometimes. But other times I also think maybe I am not stubborn enough. Because if I have an idea I want a chance to express it rather than getting shoved off to one side, which I feel like has been happening to me a lot lately, in certain situations. I LOVE collaborating. I think team-writing is a magical occurrence where ideas no one dreamed of can be born and crafted. But it needs to actively involve all parties. I also am quite aware that sometimes I have horrible ideas and I am okay with that being recognized, its when an idea gets ignored completely that I get miffed.



In other words, I am not obsessed with love stories. Love just happens to have a way of making its way into every story.
because. it's. important.

Also, I really like that for once it showed the boys being all in love and pining over a girl.

and now i'll get off the soapbox...but if we're not passionate about something we're not very interesting.

this is my life.

if i were to sit down and try and describe my life, day-by-day, to people...i'm not sure it'd really make much sense.

friday: 6am call time. had bags and balloons and books and boxes a plenty in car. ran sound and did art. drove while holding a beat board (4'x4'x1" piece of styrofoam) out the window. watched people sing and dance in the freezing cold. supervised side-walk chalk drawings. pulled mirrors off walls. ate a muffin. filmed til four. worked until 9 in the basement of the hfac. watched a disney sing-a-long tape. ate the most amazing pizza that has ever been customized for me. fell asleep watching hook.

saturday: we spent time in the computer lab...i wrote enya lyrics on the white board. a rap was formed out of audio clips from a certain professor. mexican food was eaten. the cashier was nice and let me try all the drinks before i choose one. then watched a four hour movie that i loved for many, many reasons (might have to discuss that one more later). then conversations that went all kinds of crazy places from serial killers to hickeys. i fell asleep on the floor.

sunday: church. talked about dreams. burned a bagel and filled the whole house with smoke. made another bagel that was a success. meetings, meetings, meetings. visited melanie in her shack house :). sat in the grass. dropped kels off. researched what lye looks like. spent much time debating lye-lookalikes. collected props for filming. drove to temple, sat outside and read my scriptures, wrote in my journal, life made sense for a small moment. picked up kels. lounged about. called mum. ward prayer. ate a cookie. 1st AD/director meeting. ate applesauce. looked at wedding pictures. showed up on jennie's doorstep, parked car in the middle of the road. laid on mattress in the living room. picked up willem. almost ran over cat version of willem. dropped off willem. picked up djb. dropped off jennie. went to smith's. home. sleep.

monday: woke up early, showered, but then went back to bed and ended up late for class. applied fake beard to face. drove to spanish fork--and past the exit five times. ate mexican food. loaded props in car. went to bree's. talked about film and borrowing neighbor children for films. dropped props off at AKH. sang loudly to Love Today - Mika while driving. went to class. prof pogo-sticked. discussed our script. designed ear tatoos. someone asked me to marry them (2nd person in the last few days). tried to reinvent handwriting. took kels home. ate a bagel. went back to AKH. threw pots and pans and utensils and fake coffee and apple cores and etc. all over an almost-kitchen. cleaned up baking powder several times.

this one's for you.

you asked me the other night if i ever wrote things in my blog intending for you to read them.
and i said no.

if i were to do that
write something
intending for you to read it

it'd be something
like these:

i like that there are people in my life
that i can talk to for hours and not realize how much time is passing.
(even if it means i don't get things done i need to)

i am glad you asked me what adventure i have planned next
because it made me realize i should always have one in mind.

i hate how you get me to open up to you about almost everything
without even trying.

sometimes it's sort of fantastic
when the directions are wrong
and a short trip turns into an adventure of sorts.
p.s. thanks again for lunch.

best response I've ever gotten to this question...

will you marry me?

so it was a blueberry muffin cake?

sometimes

sometimes...
i find myself in the kitchen at 1am trying to saw a dowel in half...with a hand saw and a tiny cutting board.
and when roommate walks in she says, "i don't even ask anymore." and then offers to help me, even though personally i wouldn't have come within 50 yards of lauren laws with a handsaw.

sometimes at 1:30 am i hot glue my finger to the carpet and feel rather stupid.

sometimes i forget that i am wearing a bright orange hat with llamas on it and have meetings with heads of programs and wink at strangers in the library.
okay, i didn't really wink at him, just thought about it.

sometimes i sit in the basement of the hfac in a magical sort of room by myself and get paid to watch short docs that make me emotional while people sing Casey at the Bat right outside the door.

sometimes i spend all night swearing i'll never make a film (and nearly swearing in general) only to fall in love with film all over again the next day.

sometimes babetta says brilliant things that i wish i could remember.

It has become a sort of tragic thing to me that I can't do everything.

dear world,

I am in love with you.

I think I could name 100 people right now and something I absolutely love about them or how they've brightened my life. Maybe I'll do that some day. But it'd be really embarrassing/sad if I missed someone.

When you start the day with yoga, middle the day with Indian food and good friends, and end the day being an extra wearing genie pants...Well, it's a good day.

Despite the fact I have a massive headache and was an idiot who deleted the homework assignment and the information I needed for tomorrow. gr. And there are not enough hours in this week.

maybe you had to be there...

mum: call everyone
dad and i: EVERYONE!!

mum: that's a beer!! round on me!
[we were playing the game Bang, where a beer=a life, so she was pretty excited. she told me i had to add this disclaimer. everyone: my mom is not into drinking alcohol.]

mum: i just don't get tattoos...there is nothing i want forever [looks at dad] well, except for you.

alex sends a text in the middle of a nerf gun fight
emmett: there's no texting in war!!! [kicks him in the knee]

hannah: i mean, who wears yellow and grey!?!?
i just look at her, because she's wearing a yellow and grey sweater
hannah: besides me.

me: i just want to have my reception in an orchard, then people can pick their own refreshments
mum: but fruits not in season all at the same time
me: well, they'd get two options
mum: or you could have three different receptions, in each season
dad: don't give her any ideas
caleb: yeah, because i'm not going to all three.

the day after the reception, when we were talking about the food they had.
alex: oh, the wedding colors [red and purple]!! i just thought it was awesome that they had grape flavored gummi bears.

walking into church
alex: it'll be nice going to a real ward and not talking about marriage
an hour later
me: look what he's writing on the board, it says marriage. there's no escape.
five minutes later.
teacher: we have two people here looking to get married. [gesturing at me and alex]
i shook my head.
later
teacher: did you wait seven years for her? [paralleling the isaac and rebecca story, still talk about me and alex]

dad [to alex]: don't leave the church because of this
mum [to me]: tell alex we're sorry

caleb: it's my power, the first card i draw i can take it off the discard pile
next turn
caleb: that's my power, the first card i draw i can take it off the discard pile.
me: how many times do you think he's going to explain that to us?

random man at muchas gracias: when i was young, our girlfriends made us take them to five star restaurants.
wife: there weren't five star restaurants back then--more like 12c hamburgers.

mum&dad kissing in the kitchen
dad mumbles something about the dog
mum: it's fine, she's blind.

me: i just want to be a bridesmaid as many times as possible.
dad: i just wanted to break as many bridesmaid's hearts as possible.






i wish everyone could hang out with my family.
they. are. best.

i cannot tell you how beautiful the ride from utah to oregon is.

it's made more beautiful by the fact that it means going home.

there are certain people i am no longer sharing details of my personal life with
and their initials are djb & jlp

"it's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."
-Everett O Brother Where Art Thou

"i like the smell of my hair treatment, the pleasing odors half the point,"

all i want right now is to go to the middle east.
i am feeling the call of the Doan* clan.





*my grandmother's side

march 12, 2010

i might have just had the most productive day ever. i saw loads of people and did loads of things.

7:49 - wake up
8:07 - arrive at 8 o'clock meeting, listen to a pitch and feel like a real producer for a moment, play with the cutest baby in the world, probably.
9:07 - talk to jp
9:30 - haircut w/abby. left looking stylish. slammed middle finger in car door, yell a lot, contemplate if i brushed my teeth or not, magical package in the mail, pick up alena
11:00 - bridesfriends dress shopping. didn't find what i was looking for, found a cool sweater thing.
"this is cute!" as we pull out the same dress at the same time.
12:30 - in n out lunch. yum
1:05 - drop alena off, pick djb up, drop djb off
around 2 - rockclimbing with anna, my first time, rock it sort of, muscles literally give up after a while, going to feel that one in the morning.
4 - go to bank to deposit checks. lock keys in the car. walk home. shower.
5:30 - go back to bank with jen and alex, AAA man breaks into my car. buy cookies for party and Sunny D for kels. Sunny D has taken over Smiths. also buy milk, cheese, and cottage cheese. drive home.
6:00 - work. talk to mum. rig up shirt-stretching device. take a short nap
7:45- think about going to the wrap party
8:45 - make it to wrap party with kels and bree. saw the cricketless loves of my life. talked movies with phil. made cell phones eat each other for the amusement of others. listen to good music while facing the wrong way.
10:40 - drop kels off. go back to party. drop erin off after some detours.
around 12am - car conversation
1:07 - go to in n out drive thru for milkshakes w/ roommates. pull up next to a car with morgan in it, yell back and forth while driving in an epic way. drink milkshakes. talk about how we're going to do things, but everyone gradually fades out. waffle fries don't get made.
2:33 - listen to pandora, already feeling sore, and finger in moderate pain.

this is what happens when i'm not filming on a friday. things actually happen/get done!

the classes i'm taking this semester are sort of silly. but great.

class one: i half pay attention to what's going on, because i know most of it already, and look up every once and a while from my gchatting/doing work to see the professor make a dinosaur noise. or because he's using my name repeatedly in an example, because he knows i'm only half paying attention.

class two: we usually can't get by without obtaining some sort of candy. sometimes i get paid to go to class. and our professor sometimes tells us all about what makes him angry.

class three: i make myself look beat up...or like lion king characters


class four: um, we spend several hours a week developing a story that we're telling over all kinds of media. and it is taught by one very brilliant man.

class five: ended two weeks ago.

i like that i have professors who sometimes make dinosaurs noises at the front of the classroom mid-lecture.

Say what you will about Lauren Laws

I am steadily learning to stand up for myself. So here I go:

I've been criticized for being obsessed with love. Well, so what? There are much, much worse things to be obsessed with than something that brings joy to millions and is a great attribute to have.

So, I'll say it again. I love love. I think it's fascinating and important. We should love everyone and not be afraid of feelings because they make us humans and there is enough reservation and coldness in the world, as is. Yes, I would sort of like to be in love, but I am aware now is not the time for that in my life.

I'm also sick of people trying to tell me how I should feel about certain people. "So-and-so is manipulating you" "I feel like he's stringing you along." "What are you even getting out of your relationship with her?" I realize that sometimes people get into sketchy situations with their relationships with other people. But I'm not a child and I'm not a solely emotion-based female that can't see past the wiles of men. Oh, and maybe you have no idea what my relationships are with these people because you've never actually seen us together?

In short, I'm a big girl. I've learned a lot about people over the years. And even if I haven't, let me make my own mistakes. I know these people are friends who love me and are trying to look out for me, but it makes me feel like I'm some baby that can't make her own decisions and needs someone big and strong to protect her. Wrong.

I know some of this is my own fault, sometimes I complain about people and give off the wrong impression. And I'll try and be better about that, but I think we all complain about the people we love. I've been gradually repenting of my dislike for people and have come to see the good in everyone. I think we are too quick to judge. "I heard this one thing about this person so it must be true and they must ALWAYS be like that." Wrong. People change and people are misrepresented and people have off days.

We need to be gentle with one another. And we need to LOVE. Ha, I tied this post back in to the beginning.

Things I'm not gonna do:

1. Write you a love song.

sometimes i like girly music

I know the shape of your hands 'cause I watch them when you talk.

some weekend highlights.

Taking a picture.
"No one put their hand on my butt or I will laugh"
(at least two people proceed to do just that, one, I'm sure, was Jennie)

Waking up, after a 20 minute nap, with Jennie on top of me, thinking it was 5am, when it was actually 10pm. They had put green gels and (my) green bed sheets up to make the lighting green.
"What time is it when it's green outside?"

"Resting beauty.."
"Who's that, like Sleeping's cousin?"
"The prince comes and she's like, 'what? I was just resting.'"

Set building from 10pm-8am
"Nobody's even going to see this wall."
[move to next wall]
"Nobody's even going to see this wall."
etc.

Next day
"Nobody's even going to see this shell."

"You're one of those people that automatically bites their lip when they start dancing."

"I can't find the Plexiglas, because it's clear."

Carmen lays across all of us
"Guys, there's bacon in my pocket."

"Are they dating?"
"I think they are now."
"I love film sets."

sometimes i listen to songs on repeat

this is one of them.

plan of attack

1. learn to use 7D (w/devin)
2. get at least three other people to learn to use 7D (jen, babz, etc)
3. practice exercise #1 - hallway thing (march)
4. make roadtrip/wedding video on my canon (march 17th-22nd).
5. rock prod design on djb's musical (mar-april)
6. come up with production company name (Lawless Productions? Renegade Pictures? Werewolf Films?)
7. edit tyler/heather wedding vid for their anniversary.
8. write script #2 (w/steven) try and make it not a feature.
9. obtain money for script #1 (craft service donations mostly)
10. revise script #1 (several times), cast it
11. shoot/direct one-shot? music video (april? may?)
12. direct/produce script #2 - advanced practice project (april? may?)
13. direct/produce script #1 - advanced practice project (june 7-12th)
14. go on a mission

desired results:
1. learn to direct/produce/write/dp (in that order)
2. collaborate
3. tell stories

And then God said: Lawsy, it's time to be humble.