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Jun 12, 2010

more thoughts on the usual

We make life too dramatic. Everything needs to be categorized into big events or specific titles and tangible things that we can explain and gloat about.

But life is really just a series of small things.

I think too often we look at coed relationships as conquests. It's either, oh, I didn't date them/can't date them/don't want to date them so whatever, toss that person aside. We want all or nothing, go big or go home, etc. etc. We want to practice his last name with ours as soon as we're introduced and start wondering how many kids they want after talking for an hour.

There's always the, "Well, did you kiss him?" "Are you dating?" "Does he LOVE you?"
We want so desperately to know where things are going instead of enjoying where they are.

People hardly want to hear things like, "Well, it's just really fantastic when he looks at me and I can tell he enjoys my company." or "It's great because we spent four hours talking about how much we love orange juice" or "I like how looks over at me when he tells a joke to see if I am laughing." or "I don't know, sometimes I just sit and watch him edit, because I like being around him." or "He's cool because he lets me order pineapple pizza with bell peppers"

Did I mention that life is made up of small moments? Why not cherish the looks, the games of scrabble, the shared milkshakes (I always wish I had grown up in the 50s). Instead of the elaborate proposal scenes or deep confessions of love that involve running through airports or Notebook-esqe kisses in the rain (because it never really rains when you want it to anyway).

Don't get me wrong. If you want to marry someone, marry them, but consider the steps in between. The friendship part. Because you're not going to marry everyone you love and you shouldn't not love because it's not clearly or certainly ending in holy matrimony.

Too often we become resentful and angry just because someone's feelings are not completely aligned with ours. I have, in the past, had very harsh feelings and caused my friends to have harsh feelings towards people who I personally felt were in the wrong for not coming along and sweeping me off my feet like I wished them to. All the sudden we resort to melodrama and they become the "bad guy" (as well all know the term bad guy exists because it's always the guys fault [/sarcasm]) and they are evil and eggs should be thrown at their car, etc. etc.

And the real tragedy is, these are the people that we love the most that we so quickly turn against when we aren't getting exactly what we want out of the relationship. And it's selfishness. Spoiler alert: You don't always get what you want and maybe we should be happy with all the great things we do have and all the wonderful people that come and go in our lives that we learn lessons from no matter what degree of "seriousness" the relationship stands in.

It's hard and it hurts when you feel like you're not good enough and anger is easier to deal with than sadness because it makes us feel more in control. But it is simply not worth it. And when you're thinking how hard it is to like someone who doesn't like you back maybe consider it might be hard to not like someone who likes you so much. And sometimes you do need time away from people, but don't let it be a grudge you hold forever.

There are people who do things in relationships that make them hard to love, but dwelling too long in depression and anger is just a waste of time.

Broken hearts can and will mend.


Candy Smith said...

thank you lauren. I needed this.

Kelsie Lynn said...

girl. Such wisdom.

redneckzilla said...

I'm glad you're so wise! Like an owl