i used to rule the world

I decided I may still post here, on things that are not strictly my Italian experience. For example, I found a bit of something I wrote back Frosh year of BYU. And it made me laugh...

Here is the thing about sitting in the grass. It’s not really that comfortable. Oh sure, it looks comfortable and serene and perfectly peaceful and the epitome of luxurious college freedom. Au contraire, my friends…It is not.

First of all there is the grass itself. It is never dry. It could be sunny out all day and the grass still will not be dry. I always tell myself I am not going to sit in the grass because I always get all wet, a great discomfort. Yet I always do it, because I always think it’s worth it to be sitting in the amazingly soft and luscious patch of wildness carpet. I also always tell myself, “oh, it’s only a little damp, no big deal.” You would be amazed how many layers of clothes “only a little damp” can get through.

Then there is the lack of comfort that comes from deciding how exactly to lounge in the grass. There is the classic laying on stomach, but that always ends in achy shoulders and difficulty writing or typing. Then there is sitting crossed-legged with the book/computer in your lap. Very efficient for a short amount of time but then there is the problem of no back support and usually all lower appendages fall asleep.

There are several ways to avoid confrontation while grass sitting. First of all, choose a remote location. For example, the small field I’m sitting in right now is away from the heart of campus. It’s by a remote little building that generally only holds writing classes. Writers understand the complexity and Waldenism of sitting in grass. They will understand. And if they don’t they will wish they did and envy you for it.

Another old remedy for ignoring people is the iPod. People will have to assume you cannot hear them. If the batteries are dead you can keep up the act by nodding your head with soundless headphones on. If you want to be especially convincing try mouthing some lyrics.

Talking on a phone is also effective and can also be done without someone talking on the other side. Just do not speak too loudly as that is annoying and contrary to the serene attitude you are going for by lounging in the great outdoors.

Another key to avoiding confrontation or the Overly-Friendlies is to stare intently at your book or laptop whenever someone comes by. No one wants to interrupt a studying college student.

But still everyone stares. I can tell they’re judging me…And I know they are because I am judging them right back. Some are envious, thinking to themselves, “Oh, I wish I could be lounging around in that soft grass in the lovely sunshine.” Others scoff at your aloneness. Because the kind of grass sitting I’m talking about involves solitude. Group grass sitting is completely different.

I feel so one with nature. Below me is green and I am surrounded by trees. It is perfect. You are in classes all day and fresh air is good for you. Well, I don’t know about the air here in Utah, it doesn’t seem to exist.

Do not get me wrong, avoiding people is only one side of sitting in grass. There is the other, very social side of it. This involves sitting in a very populated area of campus, usually near food.

This involves stationing oneself in a very available position. This could mean right in the middle of an open area or on a bench (which is not grass, but where you will find sensible people who don’t fall for the grass nonsense). Observe your campuses style so as to see the areas where people usually congregate.

Now, to attract people you need to look casually occupied. No furrowed brow as you pour over calculus or physics. Have a notebook out and be writing, you see, people do not feel so bad interrupting a writer…Obviously they aren’t doing anything too important if they’re writing. Everyone knows writing does not take concentration.

The very important thing is to look up often. Be careful not to look up as if you are not intelligent and cannot stand studying for long amounts of time. Finish a sentence with a flourish and look up with a thoughtful expression on your face that clearly states you are looking for inspiration. Then make a face that signifies finding inspiration and return to your writing. This also works with reading, look up contemplatively and perhaps mutter some Russian words to yourself while gesturing. Note, the muttering has to be done tactfully so you do not come off as a crazy person who talks to themselves.

Stretching is also a good way to not look too engaged. This also makes you easier to relate to. People understand that studying is hard work and they trust people who have to take the occasional stretch and/or yawn break.

So we’ve covered the looking up part, but what do you do after you’ve looked up? The answer to this is simple: eye contact followed by the small smile. Never feel embarrassed for making eye contact because it means the other person was looking too. This is important because if you look/act embarrassed it gives off the impression that you have something to be embarrassed about…Which is always suspicious and hardly attractive.